Memories

When I was a child I had some interesting memories. As I grew older, my ways of relating to the memories changed to some degree, but fundamentally the images are still as clear. For some reason, I have been very highly conscious since birth. That is, I have memories and experiences of being aware from ages that in developmental psychology are said to be statistically impossible.

For one thing I remember three days before my birth, the fourth of july, the total darkness of the womb and the booming of fireworks followed by dim impressions of light. My mother says I was incredibly agitated in her belly that night. But there is not way to prove a memory, and most simply don’t believe me. Episodic memory typically starts at three years of age with exceptions in cases of childhood trauma, and talking to others seems to confirm this. My memories begin in infancy until the present day. But there are certain memories I had as a child which seemed to come from not my imagination, but from another plane of existence, as if I was remembering a different life.

This is five years old. I remember is that I once lived in a great tower. It didn’t exist on earth, but on a different plane of existence. I called this the Tower of Angel, because there was a female angel that looked after all the animals that lived there. And all the animals that existed lived in the tower. I don’t know if it was caused by accident explosion or betrayal, but calamity befell the tower, and a great fire burned it to the ground. Angel sacrificed herself to save all the animals (or at least as many as she could? My details are vague here) that lived in the great tower, so they could exist.

But afterwards none of the tower remained, and it had been the only home everyone had ever known. There was a great exodus of life, and all the animals had to set out in search of a new plane or planet to call home. Can an Angel really die? I do not know, nor do I know what her name was…but as a young child I thought of Angel often.

Although she’d never appeared as a person in my life, I had a clear recollection of her, as clearly as you’d remember a mother or teacher or sister or friend. And what is strange was that at that time I felt a genuine love for her, this woman Angel, I missed her dearly, and back then I remembered far more of the things that she’d told me and the time I’d spent with her…and while I loved and do love my own mother dearly, and have never felt estranged from her, I missed Angel the way one would miss their own mother, not so powerfully as the pain of losing your mother to death, but very much like the longing to see a parent estranged in divorce. For even though I remembered her death, I often could feel her presence with me.

Angel is all the more mysterious to me because I know next to nothing about her, other then the memory of what she meant to me.

But the biggest and most important of these memories, and my true reasons for writing this, came back to me at Seven Years Old, along with Lou himself and this is, perhaps not unexpectedly, the exact year that Concrete Thought develops in children.

These memories are of the place that I came from before earth. The place that I remember coming from was inhabited by a race of dragon people. Of the orders of beings, we called ourselves ‘First of the Nine spheres’. I don’t know the specifics of this designation, but I believe it pertains to the orders of mortal sentient beings and their spiritual developments. I am not sure.

In part this race of dragon people resembled humans…we did not have scales over all our body, but along our backs, the top of our arms, our legs. Our softer parts were not the color of skin but neither were they deep colorful shades. They were not as hard as scales nor as smooth as human skin, a bit slicker then skin, a bit less porous, aside from our face and most of our neck, which had the texture and feel of human skin, if not the color. Like humans, our method of reproduction was mammalian, and we were warm-blooded.

We had both opposable thumbs and retractable talons. We had wings, though they were suited only for gliding, and not full scale flight. They could be folded back towards the spine, with much the same dexterity of the human arm. We just had four sets of upper limbs, rather then two. Our feet were larger then a human’s – a bit more wide, substantially longer. Of course shoes were not worn by our kind, as our feet were protected by scales and our toes had thin but sharp talons which nonetheless were not retractable. While humans do not have jointed feet, ours are capable of a wide range of motion and gripping. In particular, we have a much easier time making large leaps, useful for gliding.

Where the orders of our kind differ is in their ability to emanate and embody the Great Dragons. I do not think all of the denizens there had the same level of capability in this respect, and many did not have this ability at all. The highest of adepts were capable of manifesting a complete Great Dragon. That is to say they left behind their humanoid form entirely for a time, becoming fully Dragon in the manner most of us are familiar with. The Great Dragon manifested was not the body or soul of a tamed or wild Dragon, but an individual emanation unique to individual which embodied it. It is much more Avatar then it is physical transformation.

Some could not manifest entirely a physical dragon, which took a significant level of training and maturity. Instead, the dragons of these individuals were faintly translucent, as if made in part from light, and the invoker would not separate entirely from his human form, but rather remain in a dual state of being – conscious of both human and dragon aspects simultaneously, but with the ability to shift conscious control between both bodies.

The majesties of this dragon race lived inside what was called the crystal bastion. It was a spire and it was made entirely of crystal…

My own place in this world, my family and life…I feel it would be polite to leave most of it out, but I will say that I never reached adulthood. The lifespan of our people is very different from the human one, in magnitudes of years, but proportionally speaking I was in my late teens during the exodus of our people…I could not embody a fully manifest dragon, but my light dragon was swift and strong and I was adept with dual form

I don’t know when the dragon race was obliterated…nor if they are all gone…I don’t know if it took place in a distant dimension, a distant time, a distant planet…I know that I have always had these memories as if it all occurred just one incarnation ago, privately it seems that recent. But sometimes memories of past incarnations seen recent even if in our human conception of time they occurred aeons ago.

What I do know is that the dragon people (I use another name for them, but I feel it would be confusing to use it in this recounting) were driven into exodus, hiding, or extinction by a life form that we had done injustice to in the past…our people had punished them with good cause, but too severely. we drove them into a desolate place and many centuries passed without leniency. Tales were passed down to our kind of their misdeeds and evil nature, and after so long the generations of our people could barely distinguish the legends from fact. To many they seemed much like demons or imps to the majority of humankind, unlikely to be more real then a scary horror film. When they invaded, they were not the same thing that we had punished long ago…they had become a different species of entity, the closest I can say is demonic, wispy like opaque phantoms, phantoms that had no trouble causing physical destruction. In another sense parasitic, transmogrifying rather then killing, acting as if controlled by a hive mind. But they did have a leader, and he was not of their species, and yet not of ours…I believe he was something like a fallen angel…he seemed to belong to an order above ours in mortality, closer to the astral, although our kind was also close.

As a child a had a name for him, and I feared him, that he would find his way to earth and seek me out. When I was young I would often invoke barriers of protection over my home, fields to hide my presence. I no longer fear him, but neither does he feel less real. It is just now I am aware of his existence in a different sense. I know that his object in destroying my people was revenge, and occasionally I wonder what his story was.

When I was young I longed to return to that place, even though I felt it was impossible. I had close friends to whom I’d told this whole story, and they would join me in scouring the hills and brush outside with staves in hand, seeking portals, though we knew nothing of a portal’s true nature…

I don’t know what to think of it now, aside of recognizing its clarity in my memory. Between my teenage years and my spiritual awakening that begun around nineteen, I had pushed it in entirety to the back of my mind as childish hogwash and fantasy.…but recently, as I become further initiated, I have begun to think back on these memories.

Interesting, that makes me wonder whether I have always been intertwined with Lu – whether his appearance at about 7 or 8 was just the earliest that a conversation between us could take place (concrete thought develops at about 7)

I subjugated Lu awhile myself once I started to get to the age where children are no longer allowed to have imaginary friends….12 or 13, I was ignoring him until maybe 17 or so, when I figured if society wouldn’t allow for me to sanely have a daemon, I simply wouldn’t tell anybody about him.

Funnily enough though, during that time period I literally ritual summoned a female spirit to help me with a certain wish (I call her Kyo) – so despite ignoring Lu I ended up with another daemon, this one a bit more how shall I put this… ‘volatile’

at that time I was young and naive and believed that my feeble attempts at conjuring were no more then farts in the wind so I didn’t understand what I was binding to myself.

I have since divested myself of that contract by releasing the spirit I’d bound with it. It took me awhile to figure that out , though (oops….)

when I conjured kyo I could not have been rightly called a child. that was at 13-14. nobody taught me. the knowledge was in my blood despite the fact that I’d been a rigid atheist, rationalist and non-spiritualist since 10-11. somehow the need for whatever it is the 13 year old heart desires was so much I was willing to forget my skeptic allegiance and perform a ritual summoning, not that I’d expected it to work.

now the following is merely a childhood mythology, but it is rather interesting –

when i was 7 and lu spoke to me for the first time he also told me of my own past, told me a history that would be outside of my human capacity to recall, but once he spoke of it he unlocked it in me, my memories of before birth

that’s how I knew that I came from a race that called itself First of the Nine Spheres

back when lu introduced himself to me he claimed my enemy and the enemy of all living things was ‘scan’.

I tried to forget this but ‘there’s always something there to remind me’

[link to blog.learnremoteviewing.com]

Definition of SCAN

1: the act or process of scanning

2: a radar or television trace

3: an image formed by scanning something: as

a : a depiction (as a photograph) of the distribution of a radioactive material in something (as a bodily organ)
b : an image of a bodily part produced (as by computer) by combining ultrasonic or radiographic data obtained from several angles or sections

[link to images.search.yahoo.com (secure)]

the story as I learned it was that humanity would be destroyed by ‘scan’ and the ‘shedkonians’, who lived outside the boundary of normal existence. my purpose in being incarnate (a brute force operation, that is I had to steal an incarnation – even a soul – that was not mine because it was an emergency) was to fight ‘scan’ .

when I was little back then I’d protect myself from his international gaze by shielding my home and heart with protective energy bubbles. society taught me that this was a pointless exercise in futility, so I stopped. ultimately, I wish I’d kept working with the energy of my imagination, since back then it was so blitzingly powerful that anything I thought of would be physically evident to me

of course thinking on it now ‘scan’ seems to be ‘the machine’, doesn’t it? as a child though scan himself was a king of a race, shadow people that lived by feeding off the light of the living

also patterned on the collective unconscious, funnily:

The Anti-Spiral race (;, Hanrasen Zoku, “Anti Spiral Tribe”?), or simply the Anti-Spirals (, Anchisupairaru?), is a mysterious species of humanoid beings that realized the danger of the Spiral Nemesis long ago. They found the means to cease their own evolution by purging themselves of Spiral Power, trapping them in a state of suspended animation as their collective consciousness took form to purge the universe of all Spiral beings

When the population exceeded one million, a single Mugann appeared to begin the attack while Nia, their messenger, was awakened. The moon (really the Super Galaxy Dai-Gurren) began to collide with the Earth to destroy all spiral life on the planet. When Rossiu Adai attempted to escape with a small portion of the human population to space in the Arc-Gurren,[…]They then knocked the Super Galaxy Dai-Gurren into the Death Spiral Field, causing the attempt to create the Super Galaxy Gurren Lagann to fail since the Death Spiral Field drains all occupants of Spiral Power.

When Team Dai-Gurren escaped while also absorbing all the Spiral Power the sea had absorbed over time allowing the Super Galaxy Gurren Lagann to emerge, they tried to fight back with more Ashtanga and mass-produced Hastagry and Pada mechas, but were defeated quickly. The Anti-Spiral then sealed Team Dai-Gurren away in the Extradimensional Labyrinth. […]

The Anti-Spiral is depicted as being omniscient, omnipresent and nigh-omnipotent in their home universe. They have the ability to replicate Spiral lifeform traits (for example, Granzeboma and its drills). They can freely appear anywhere in the Gurren Lagann multiverse and can produce mechas for combat.

Their attacks are powerful enough to create and destroy entire universes, such as the Infinity Big Bang Storm, which has the power of a Big Bang explosion. Their abilities have been shown to rip holes through multiple dimensions, showing that their power is on a God-like scale, furthered by the fact that they can alter the fundamental laws of reality, such as altering probability and creating matter much larger than any galaxy out of thin air.

They can freely move between dimensions (much like powerful Spiral Warriors), and can even create and destroy entire new dimensions. They can create an entire universe in which they have control over all factors such as space-time and probability. The only being in the Gurren Lagann multiverse that is shown to be their equal is Simon, who surpasses them in the end.

Quoting: [link to gurrenlagann.wikia.com]